Saturday, 10 May 2014

Happy Mother's Day...

This is a year that i get to celebrate Mother's Day with my mum... Well, its actually unplanned. I happened to be back near home this weekend to run some errands, well it coincide with Mother's Day...

 Well, it kept me thinking.. Y do i get to celebrate this special day just because of coincidence? Why did I not plan it? Why not send a card or make an effort every year? We like to celebrate for every single little thing.. Birthday, anniversary, pancake day, st patricks day...even days of people we haven't even met or know! Who cares about St Patricks? All we know is we get to drink beer on St Patrick's Day... So why not just give 1 day of the 365 that we have to some one that made us who we are today... Someone who cared so much for us we cant imagine.. Noneed for big party or expensive food or presents..just precious time..

Everytime I was sitting in my small hospital OPD in Kudat, when i see those old patients coming in... Well... You know, clinic can be busy in the morning.. It sometimes gets you impatient when they walk in slowly or when they missed their blood taking appointment, only to come in with no results to review... Or sitting there waiting for you for hours but forgot to go to the blood taking station... Sometimes they even cant tell head or tails when is their eye appointment, their surgical appointment when they are followed up by so many other specialty.. We r doctors, not God..how are we supposed to remember all their appointments etc.. Many times these patients come 1 week later for appointment thats was a week ago under specialist in QEH (which is 3 hours away from Kudat and difficult to reappointment in nearest time).. I even have patients who read the correct date but wrong year!

My response will be..'haiya..pakcik..kenapa tak ingat..haritu baru saya beritau..ini 1 minggu sebelum kena berhenti ini ubat cair darah, 3 hari sebelum kena makan itu antibiotik..2 hari sebelum makan bubur sahaja..pastu 1 hari sebelum minum air makan low residual diet...bla bla..... (well, thats to prepare him for a procedure in specialist hospital..) 

Siapa sama pakcik? Mana anak? ( Hoping to find someone younger that i can converse to.. Hopefully with better memory..)

Pakcik: saya seorang.. Anak saya satu di KK, 3 di KL.. Semua sibuk kerja... 

( FYI that pakcik forgot all the steps ive explained to him before.. But he only remember that heneed to eat porridge at some point,.so he ate porridge for 1 whole month!!) poor pakcik..

If they misses their appointment, often is because they have no transportation... It used to make me angry...dahla busy clinic..if all patients come in i have to settle all their logistic issues, my clinic will finish at 12MN! 

But sometimes i think, who is doing all this for my parents back home? How do they know when to take blood, where to go about in the hospital..where to go take medications etc..Do they also get scolded by doctors at my hometown for not able to give good history or forget to take medications..or forgot appointment... How are they supposed to remember the complicated hospital procedure etc? When the doctors ask, will they be giving the same answer? 'anak saya 3 di KL satu di KK satu di singapore.. Ada doktor ada engineer.. But none at home with them...' 

Me: Pakcik, takpa saya tolong buat appointment baru.. Nanti 1 minggu sebelum temujanji pakcik datang, bawa semua ubat..saya ajar apa mau buat...

I hope that the more patients i help here, the doctors in my hometown will be kind to my parents as well..

As we get older, our parents get older too... Every 3 mths or 6 mths u see them , they grow more white hair, older and older each day.. Dont take them for granted.. Spend time with them while you still can...visit them more often...call them... And dun forget to say ' I LOVE YOU, MUM'... applies to dad as well...hehe..

Sunday, 9 September 2012

Que Serra Serra

When i was just a little girl... I ask my mother what will i be...will i be pretty? Will i be rich?...
Guess what she said to me?
Que serra serra, whatever will be will be.. The futures not ours to see...

Nope..my mum din actually say that to me... I was taught that you'll need to work hard for things that you want.. Who knows then that I'll be a doctor today? N since my parents are kind of traditional, there r only few profession that they acknowledge.. Doctor, lawyer, engineer... Not much choice there isnt it?

U know when we were in primary school we were asked every year what our ambition is? I recently remembered what i wrote then... Police, actress, teacher... I was probably watching alot of tvb police series...then there were astraunaut and doctor when i was in standard 4.. Cos that was when we learned science..

So naive then.. Everything that we see or learn then seemed to interest me so much.. How did i choose to be a doctor?

Honestly, i still dont know.. Everytime someone asks me that, i will crack up with some answer that seems decent and acceptable.. Back in form 5 when i achieved a surprisingly good result for SPM, everything was settled for me.. It is understandable that if u get good results ppl expect u to do go into the best profession.. Since u can, be a doctor laa... Save lives maaa... 

Sad to say my decision of doctor is actually like a diagnosis of exclusion.. Where i ruled out what i dont want to be.. N end up with 2 choices.. Engineer / doctor.. N i filled that both in my jpa form.. N they offered me medicine in UK!!.. Who wouldnt jump straight for it???

N even in medical school, we still have lots of ambitious thought.. I want to be a Surgeon or Obs n Gyne.. Or neurosurgery... Hahahaaa... If someone tells me that now.. Its either they are damn passionate or they havent started working yet.. I spoke to one of my young nephew just finished his SPM..the place that i was 10 years back..Wow...geezz...din know im so old oredi...
He mentioned stg about being a doctor.. N he wanted to be a neurosurgeon or a psychiatrist.. 2 tottaly different pathway.. I din know what to say.. I just told him good luck..

N now is THE time again..ppl start asking 'what do you want to be?" or 'where do you want to go?"... Well cos i am coming to the end of housemanship.. What do i want to do for the rest of my lifee?
I was considering obs n gyne when i was in medical school... Well...the moment i step into the labour room, splashed by all the blood, shit n liquor and all the stress in the air,, nope...crossed out straight..

Conditions keep changing every stage of my life.. Even from first year of housemanship n second year.. In malaysia, it is more like what i can be or where i can go... You cant always get what you want...n what you are interested in doesnt neccessarily mean its what you are going to do...

There is the 2 main branch..medical or surgery... N some inbetweens.. Obs n gyne unget abit of both..thats y i was ideally interested then.. And anaesthesiology..which when i was in the department i thought it was something i wanted to do too... But deep inside i've always have special interest in surgical line.. But theres too many to choose from.. Even in surgery there r so many branches..
Shall i make my decision through exclusion again?? So easy to choose 'doctor' as kids.. But there r so many kinds of doctorr.. rich doctor? Busy doctor? Chilax doctor? Gp?

I remembered someone saying.. If operating theatre is the place that u like most in hospital, then be an anaesthesiologist... But if operation theatre is the place you like most in the world, then be a Surgeon...

Yes, i like surgery.. But do i want to dedicate my whole life to it?? Yes i am more interested in surgery than other line but.. I still want my life.. Hahaa.. Back to what our priority in life is... Money? Family? Time? Career? For me i think career is not first.. Money hopefully comes with career...
Now the new trend of doctors are going for better life now..nobody wants to stay n operate till 3am during weekend when you are 40-50 years old.. Unless...UNLESS.. You are damn passionate about your job.. Am i??? By 40-50 ideally... Shud b going for nice holiday once in 3 mths.. Having nice dinner..or home cooked meals..not some lausy hospital food..n left overs in the OT pantry..cos by the time u finish surgery all food is gone..

Its a decision to make..but doesnt mean what i make now inwont change once i go district..hahaa..
Being a doctor is just the beginning..unless u accept the fact that there is neverending learning and responsibilities, y ou will never be a good doctor.. How many times a week i wake up in the morning and dreadfully thinking y do i have to work today...

Decision decision... A wise fren said.. You will know what your calling is.. When you know it.. For now just one step at a time..



Saturday, 11 August 2012

Blog revive number 11

I know...I've said this many times...
I was just reading my old blogs, even I'm amazed by how much time i had back then.. Time that i dont have now..
This post is just a simple note.. To try...blogging from..ipad.. Hahaaa..

Will write more when the idea comes..blogging needs momentum..especially after stagnant for so long.. Adios..

Sunday, 5 February 2012

10 minutes makes a difference?

This post is specially for those who are wondering how did my Lasik go?

Can 10 minutes really change my life?

Actually i started the first 2 lines above few months ago and cant even remember typing it..
Lets make it simple...

To continue from my story, after I layed off contacts for 2 weeks (a long long 2 weeks for me, longest since i started wearing contacts 10 years ago..)

Finally the day came... I flew back to KL, I was bravely alone at that time.. took a taxi to TTDI, quite an easy place to find..

So I did the 2 hour eye check (everything went smoothly as I have read from blogs, etc..)

I din do much research then, just wanted to get it done.. I went in at 9, and my LASIK is scheduled at 1130, just in time for lunch afterthat.

I was was brought to the surgery waiting room, where they explained the whole procedure, what to expect what not.. there should be discomfort but not pain..sounds alright to me at that time..

Waited patiently as I see the 2 people in front of me went in and after few minutes, u can hear the machine sound from outside, just a few seconds, and they both came out with a smile on their faces.. I was very nervous, but calmed after i witnessed that..

Finally when my turn came...

The opthalmologist had the last check of my eyes, he warned me that my eyes were slightly smaller that he might need to stuggle abit to fit in the suction machine.. I wasnt alarmed at all.. I just remembered that i need to keep looking at the green light..

SO I was on the table, they cleaned and drapped my eyes, put few drops of anaesthetic eye drops..

Afterthat, he was trying to fit the suction ring into my right eye to sort of hold my eyeball so that he can make the flap.. but it was alot of pushing and squeezing.. arg..
and throughout the process, i cant really see much. it was dark and at one point i was worried that i'll get blind.. it was actually quite torturing.. finally he said: no, we are not gona do this..

They started undrapping me and got me off the table!!

Whatt? seriouss?? does that mean i have to wear contacts forever?? After all thattt?

The suctions rings are asian fit but still too big for my eyes.. it never occured to me that it could be a problem.. never read about it anywhere.. grr...

He suggested another method LASEK where they use alcohol solution to remove the top epithelial layer of cornea.. etc etc.. I dont think i can do it on the same day.. after all the traumatic event..

and i had to get a cab back with my pupils dilated and cant really see properly..

afterthat, i went back to KK, with this:

(better not put the picture here, might scare some of you, but it was basically a red ring around the conjunctiva..)

Thankfully it resolved after about 3-4 days.. cuz when i when i was reading more about this, there are actually people that face this problem as well.. and hers is still there after few weeks..

After it resolved, I researched more about this LASIK vs LASEK thingy.. finally bravely made another appointment with them..hahaa.. this time I had a longer break afterthat and brought my bf with me..hahaa..well prepared.. I kept thinking mayb I wasnt meant to do it the first time cos i wasnt prepared..

Well, the second time worked.. As with Lasek, it takes longer to heal, so i was teary and my eyes were super sensitive, I cant even go to shopping complexes with air cond, the slightest wind hurt so badly.. but that was just for mayb 3-4 days.. and things get better afterthat.



had to wear this when i sleep for mayb 1 week..


1-3weeks...
I cant really see well for at night for mayb 7-10 days.. especially cuz i was working in paeds and all the blue phototherapy light is driving me nuts.. I cant write clearly during oncalls etc.. or when i'm tired.

3 weeks to 1 month
My vision recovered to about 50/25 vision after 1 month.. not much problem with night vision after 1 month. as for complications people always complained eg: dry eyes etc, mayb for the firrst 2 weeks quite significant, but after 1 month not anymore..

2 months
Yeaiii.. got my 20/20 vision..

my next appointment is 3 months time..hahaa.. but for the past few visits things have been good.. I cant remeber going back to this:


say bye-bye..

Packing is much easier if I need to travel.. serious..

Abit about LASIK vs LASEK for those who are interested..

LASIK

Basically they make a flap, cuts tru the first 2 layers of the cornea, we have about 5 layers.. they then close the flap back...so a thicker cut is made compared to LASEK.. thats y they alwiz need to make sure your cornea is thick enough before saying you are suitable (to be safer mayb more than 400 their unit).. they have a scoring system to see if the risk is big or small for you before aggreeing to perform.. so relatively safe..

Pros:
Super fast healig time.. by 24 hours, u can almost see clearly already.. not much discomfort after first day...

Worst senario (the THING u need to worry about):

a condition called corneal ectasia..

This is when your cornea loose its shape.. higher risk in thin cornea people.. cuz if ur cornea already thin, u cut sumore, it might not stay round..become protruding. try google for the pictures, quite scary.. n vision wise, needless to say.. definitely affected..

but with thick cornea, if u cut 1/5 of it, shudnt be a problem..

LASEK

With LASEK, the lasering part is the same, but difference is how they prepare the cornea.. cos my eyes too small to put in the suction, therefore cant make the flap, so they have to put alcohol to remove the thin layer of epithelial.. advantage is its a thinner layer removed compared to LASIK.. but it is removed completely.. cos too thin to put back properly..

Pros:
Less risk of corneal ectasia.. cos thinner layer cut.. and less risk of injuring the nerve, so less complications like dry eyes etc..

Vision wise, both the same outcome after 3 months...

Cons:

Longer healing time.. like mine takes 4-5 days discomfort. and vision takes time to perfection..

Worst senario.. the alcohol damage the epithelial cells etc make it difficult to recover, or formation of scar tissues during healing..

Really have to be super hygienic if you are doing this.. if they say no swimming, strictly no swimming.. if your eyes get infected, good luck sama lu..

So actually i am quite glad that I did LASEK la.. apart from the longer healing time, others were better..

arigato...

Friday, 25 November 2011

Precious... Life...

I realised today that life is too short to be pondering around, with no direction...

Life is too short to rush everywhere, never knowing when its gonna end...

How many of us go to work everyday thinking about what to do after finish working?

How many of us get to do what is planned?


Why the rush?

Take a minute, wait and look around.. enjoy the moment.. for life is too short to rush by...

What if one of us go to work one day just to find out that we are never gona return after work..

How would you spend your last day?

We'll never know when is the last day... till it comes..

So live everyday like its your last day...


If only we know that she is gona meet with an accident and never to return...

If only we had a chance to bid farewell.. or to return her last message..

if only someone was there earlier.. if only...

But God loves her more...

Rest in Peace..


For a dear friend that just passed away in a car accident today.. a very dedicated doctor.. an angel...

We will truly miss you forever...

Friday, 7 October 2011

Flight Delayed

This is when I get time to blog.. yeaii..10 days holiday..coolness..
After the shift system, our department actually freeze our leave..( so unfair..).. leave that we've been keeping for the end..
But finally after much effort, here I am at the airport waiting to fly..10 days of noneed to workk..hohoo...

Ok..back to the flight...delayed for 2 hourss!!! I think its a komplot.. who earns from this? The 3 muskateers..the restaurant, the duty free and the bookshop..

What to do for 2 hours in this tiny airportt?
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Saturday, 10 September 2011

Off contacts lense Week 1

Firstly, let me expose you to life of a contact lens wearer..

The first few months of wearing contacts, you will be struggling, only putting on from time to time cuz takes to long to stuck it in ur eyes..

Afterthat, you will be damn used to it and its like your second eyes, till you refused to go anywhere without it.. As for me, from the moment i wake up till the moment before I sleep.. and the earlier times i remember sleeping with it on.. those days are gone now..

After 1-2 years of neglect, your eyes will start to suffer from redness from time to time (complications from contact lens)... occassionally need to stop wearing for few days to let things cool down and oxygenate the eyes.. haha.. and worried everytime you cry or rub your eyes etc, cos of contact lens..

Alwiz having to carry a contact lens solution in handbag, even more important than tissue paper.. incase suddenly stg gets into the eye etc u'll end up having to clean it.. Nightmares during trip.. now with the 100ml limit on flights rule.. have to look for those 100ml solution.. Weirdly, some brand says 'travel kit' but 120ml.. zzz... have to bring lens case, n xtra lenses.. etc..

After you eyes really couldt take it anymore, you'll upgrade to daily lens.. which is what i am using now.. more hygienic but still cant wear for long hours.. glasses? stopped wearing them since 10 years ago.. so whats next???
This..hehe..

Have to lay off contacts for 2 weeks... booked my appointment with so called the pioneer opthalmologist at optimax.. yee.. see how it goes.

wish me luck!!