Why do I have to lie?

Why can't I be myself when I am with them? Why can't I just tell them how i really feel?

Is it because i am afraid that they won't understand? or I just KNOW they won't understand?

I was asked if I am gona go back to msia or stay here after I grad. The answer is I want to go back home!!.. Normally i would just say not decided.. or might go back, might stay...

But today, my 'not sure' as answer already over the allowed quota.. so i had to give an answer...

Y did I not tell the truth? Y did i feel that somehow I am gona be taught less if i say i am gona go back home after I grad?

Y can't I just say I am just here to 'steal some knowledge, and then go home to serve?'

I dont know.. I can lie all I want..

Nobody will know anyway... even when ppl ask me what did i do yesterday, 80% of the time i just made it up.. cos either i couldn't remember(partly due to my early onset dementia), or couldn't bother remembering, cos I know they ask just for the sake of asking..

A friend of mine describe them as GOLD FISH.. One moment ever so friendly, the next moment, short term memory loss, pretend that they dont even know u..

I am like a chicken amongst a thousand ducks.. unless i quack, they wont understand me..
but do I need to quack?

NO I DONT!!..